Day 28 #liftupforlent

There are times when encouraging words are counter indicated.

Yesterday I learned that a young couple I married last year found out one week shy of the birth of their first child that there was no heart beat. Up until that final doctor’s visit, there had been no sign of trouble or trauma. It had been a happy, healthy pregnancy.

When something as devastating as the loss of a child happens to someone, encouraging words are not the thing to offer. Not only will they not help, they may harm.  When people are in the initial stages of deep grief, the last thing they need to hear is that everything will be okay, that things will get better or (perhaps the worse thing you can say to a couple who has just a lost a child) that they will have plenty of kids in the future.

When people are dealing with a devastating loss, they just need you to be devastated with them.  Your presence and the knowledge that you are hurting alongside them are the best that you can offer in the midst of tragedy and trauma.

There will be a time and a place to offer encouragement, but that will come later.  Sometimes the best way to lift a person up is the dwell in the depths with them for awhile.


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