Breaking News: Crucifixion Shuts Down Stock Market

  • IIt’s not a national holiday, but on Good Friday, the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ are closed.

The death of a Middle Eastern Jew, whose investment advice was to give everything you have to the poor and follow him, shut down a system that makes and loses millions (billions!) of dollars every day.

The execution date of the socialist who dined with sinners and prostitutes and tax collectors causes the cathedral of capitalism to close its doors for the day.

The presumed demise of the one whose peasant presence threatened an Empire causes the rainmakers and the wealth creators and bullish brokers to take the day off.



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